We’ve all had the experience of negotiating with someone who is just not our cup of tea, so to speak. Our negativity toward the person can range from mild discomfort to barely disguised hostility.

When this happens, it’s easy to think, “If it weren’t for him, we’d reach an agreement a lot faster!”

Here are four productive ways of dealing with a nasty negotiator:

(1) Look inside yourself and ask, “What button in me is he pushing?” and “Why am I having such a disagreeable reaction?”

You might find that he sets off one of your alarms, or arouses a pet peeve over which you have some control. For instance, one of my clients has an aversion to people who show up to a negotiation, late. He points to his more than 10 years in the military that makes him respond this way.

Well, he is setting himself up to be angry and upset, and he should do what he can to explain where he’s coming from to counterpart, but also to cut them a little slack, because they’re not in the armed forces, now.

A negotiator might alarm you by playing hardball, interrupting you frequently, while relentlessly challenging your numbers, positions, honesty or integrity. His purpose could be to throw you off your game plan, or he may believe bluster and bullying are the tools used by “real negotiators.”

(2) Carlos Castaneda, in his many books about Don Juan, speaks of “petty tyrants,” difficult people who put pebbles in our shoes along our path. They exist, says Castaneda, for the specific purpose of compelling us to rise above their power to irritate us; to teach us self-control, and to encourage us to see our debilitating self-importance.

(3) It is helpful to take a very, very large view of the situation. For example, if you believe in reincarnation, this is easy. You can tell yourself, “I was him, once, or someone very much like him;” or “I probably will become like him, at some future point.” In other words, you can see this as a chance to extend your compassion. Look to great role models such as Mother Teresa and Gandhi. They were able to empathize, sparing themselves and others much suffering.

(4) Once I was having a casual conversation with a psychologist who said, “Do you know the secret to being liked by other people? Like them, first!” Could it be that you might be able to warm relations with your counterpart merely by smiling, saying hello, and extending a few friendly gestures? If you seem to like them, they’ll like you, and they’ll suddenly become less irritating and more cooperative.

It’s easy to grumble about irritating negotiators, but a lot more rewarding to do something constructive to deal with them effectively.

Try these four tips, and at worst, you can feel good about yourself because you put forth positive energy to turn things around!

Best-selling author of 12 books and more than 1,000 articles, Dr. Gary S. Goodman is considered "The Gold Standard" in negotiation, sales development, customer service, and telephone effectiveness. Top-rated as a speaker, seminar leader, and consultant, his clients extend across the globe and the organizational spectrum, from the Fortune 1000 to small businesses. He can be reached at: gary@customersatisfaction.com.